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Celluloid lonely hearts
Jun. 2nd, 2009 07:57 amI'm sure this is very old hat, but it might help get me through what promises to be a tedious day...
Requiring lonely hearts adverts for characters in movies:
eg
"Keymaster WLTM Gatekeeper, for welcoming Gozer the Gozerian, destroying universe, maybe more. No freaks"
"Middle-aged computer hacker, own ship and crew, no sense of humour, seeking The One. Leather accessories an advantage"
"Round the milk-churn, in the fields, you ordered me around, and all I could say was "As you wish". It was true love. Was that you? If so, please get in touch, c/o The Dread Pirate Roberts"
Any more?
And a very silly meta one:
"Pervy hobbit-fanciers seek other pervy hobbit-fanciers for pervy hobbit-fancying. Branches in most major settlements in Middle-Earth. No giant flaming eyes on stalks, please"
Requiring lonely hearts adverts for characters in movies:
eg
"Keymaster WLTM Gatekeeper, for welcoming Gozer the Gozerian, destroying universe, maybe more. No freaks"
"Middle-aged computer hacker, own ship and crew, no sense of humour, seeking The One. Leather accessories an advantage"
"Round the milk-churn, in the fields, you ordered me around, and all I could say was "As you wish". It was true love. Was that you? If so, please get in touch, c/o The Dread Pirate Roberts"
Any more?
And a very silly meta one:
"Pervy hobbit-fanciers seek other pervy hobbit-fanciers for pervy hobbit-fancying. Branches in most major settlements in Middle-Earth. No giant flaming eyes on stalks, please"
(no subject)
Jun. 1st, 2009 10:28 pmApparently Stratford-upon-Avon is shortly to boast the "Romeo & Juliet's Adult Boutique".
Nothing much to add to that, really.
I picked this up via![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-syndicated.gif)
someshakespeare. It is, however, notable that the only UK newspaper which cropped up from Googling it was The Sun.
Nothing much to add to that, really.
I picked this up via
someshakespeare. It is, however, notable that the only UK newspaper which cropped up from Googling it was The Sun.(no subject)
Jun. 1st, 2009 03:05 pmLive from the Toad News Network: John Humphrys in Drive-By Cleaning Horror
Just one of the many fine news stories being broken at Toad. Including the iSock
In far less edifying "news" - HYS will be block-voting UKIP - well step in amazement...
Just one of the many fine news stories being broken at Toad. Including the iSock
In far less edifying "news" - HYS will be block-voting UKIP - well step in amazement...
(no subject)
May. 31st, 2009 10:14 pmOK - last one for a while. Honest. Maybe.
For a wider view of the Pete Atkin songbook, with songs from throughout the canon, go to his website, find the "Listen To" section, and click on "Smash Flops", which is an hour-long documentary made in 2000, hosted by John Peel, of songs and interviews, which gives you a lot more songs, and a lot more insights. You only get the second half of most of the songs, and many of the versions are demos, but it might still give a flavour of what has so comprehensively turned my head. [![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
burkesworks - I suspect this was the doc you were referring to. I dimly recall listening to it when it was originally on].
ETA: I am always on the lookout for terrible couplets from the popular music canon. This one, by contrast, is (I think) one of the best I have ever come across:
"I've seen the plywood cities meet their doom because of dames
Atlantis down in bubbles and Atlanta up in flames"
["Screen-Freak", Clive James]
There's such a lot going on in there...
For a wider view of the Pete Atkin songbook, with songs from throughout the canon, go to his website, find the "Listen To" section, and click on "Smash Flops", which is an hour-long documentary made in 2000, hosted by John Peel, of songs and interviews, which gives you a lot more songs, and a lot more insights. You only get the second half of most of the songs, and many of the versions are demos, but it might still give a flavour of what has so comprehensively turned my head. [
burkesworks - I suspect this was the doc you were referring to. I dimly recall listening to it when it was originally on].ETA: I am always on the lookout for terrible couplets from the popular music canon. This one, by contrast, is (I think) one of the best I have ever come across:
"I've seen the plywood cities meet their doom because of dames
Atlantis down in bubbles and Atlanta up in flames"
["Screen-Freak", Clive James]
There's such a lot going on in there...
(no subject)
May. 27th, 2009 01:33 pmHere we go again...
Two more songs have appeared for streaming on Pete Atkin's website. Scroll down left-hand side to section "Listen To".
I particularly recommend "Be Careful When They Offer You the Moon", which is a perfectly-crafted more-or-less pop song, with a classy lyric.
[to any new readers - droning on about Pete Atkin is very much my LJ's 2009 Theme. Most large branches of HMV should be able to furnish you with the CD's, if you want to know why - "Midnight Voices" or "Beware of the Beautiful Stranger" are both good places to start]
And a poem, from today'swritersalmanac:
( Counting the Mad, by Donald Justice )
Two more songs have appeared for streaming on Pete Atkin's website. Scroll down left-hand side to section "Listen To".
I particularly recommend "Be Careful When They Offer You the Moon", which is a perfectly-crafted more-or-less pop song, with a classy lyric.
[to any new readers - droning on about Pete Atkin is very much my LJ's 2009 Theme. Most large branches of HMV should be able to furnish you with the CD's, if you want to know why - "Midnight Voices" or "Beware of the Beautiful Stranger" are both good places to start]
And a poem, from today's
writersalmanac:( Counting the Mad, by Donald Justice )
Assorted filth
May. 21st, 2009 01:10 pmIn one of Nigel Rees's books, there is a graffito from a contraceptive vending machine as follows:
"INSTRUCTIONS FOR USE: INSERT COIN IN SLOT, DEPRESS BUTTON, PULL HANDLE BACK SLOWLY TO RELEASE PACKET"
To which had been aded: "If this is sex, it sounds extremely boring"
The reason this poisonous little nugget floated to the top of what passes for my mind was that I was just sitting by the Cam, and a sculler went by with attendant cyclist barking out instructions. The main one I caught was:
"Steady as you come forward there - don't wiggle about"
Which made me think how much of the advice meted out to those on the river sounds like a particularly boring sex manual.
On a linked subject, my boss reminded me of a quote of Churchill's. In the middle of winter, an aide came to him, explaining that one of his ministers had been caught in flagrante delicto with a Guardsman in Green Park.
"In this weather?", Churchill asked
"Yes, sir"
A pause, then "Makes you proud to be British, doesn't it?"
"INSTRUCTIONS FOR USE: INSERT COIN IN SLOT, DEPRESS BUTTON, PULL HANDLE BACK SLOWLY TO RELEASE PACKET"
To which had been aded: "If this is sex, it sounds extremely boring"
The reason this poisonous little nugget floated to the top of what passes for my mind was that I was just sitting by the Cam, and a sculler went by with attendant cyclist barking out instructions. The main one I caught was:
"Steady as you come forward there - don't wiggle about"
Which made me think how much of the advice meted out to those on the river sounds like a particularly boring sex manual.
On a linked subject, my boss reminded me of a quote of Churchill's. In the middle of winter, an aide came to him, explaining that one of his ministers had been caught in flagrante delicto with a Guardsman in Green Park.
"In this weather?", Churchill asked
"Yes, sir"
A pause, then "Makes you proud to be British, doesn't it?"
(no subject)
May. 20th, 2009 09:59 amIn the light of the recent revelations about MP's expenses, it strikes me that High Wycombe's tradition of weighing the Mayor and Corporation to see if they have been getting fat at public expense might be usefully employed at a national level.
(no subject)
May. 17th, 2009 11:13 amIn light of the recent Star Trek buzz, I'm struck by something similar going on around here:
DREAMWIDTH III - The Search For Codes
Actually, it'd be a real short movie:
Opening credits (5 mins)
Enter KIRK
KIRK (V/O): Captain's Log, Stardate 1545.55. We must find the Dreamwidth codes, before it's too late!
Enter McCOY
McCOY: Here - I have two. First come, first served.
Enter SULU
SULU: I have two too! I'd prefer to give them to real-life friends ... if you know what I mean, Captain?
KIRK: Maybe later, Ensign Sulu. Well, I think we've found them. One less thing to worry about. Now then - who's got the Tribble?
ALL: [point to new flock-effect wallpaper, which appears to be quivering]
KIRK: Ah. That would be Tribbles, then...
Closing credits (9 mins)
NB: in a startling counterstroke against the prevailing orthodoxy, I don't have two Dreamwidth codes to give away.
DREAMWIDTH III - The Search For Codes
Actually, it'd be a real short movie:
Opening credits (5 mins)
Enter KIRK
KIRK (V/O): Captain's Log, Stardate 1545.55. We must find the Dreamwidth codes, before it's too late!
Enter McCOY
McCOY: Here - I have two. First come, first served.
Enter SULU
SULU: I have two too! I'd prefer to give them to real-life friends ... if you know what I mean, Captain?
KIRK: Maybe later, Ensign Sulu. Well, I think we've found them. One less thing to worry about. Now then - who's got the Tribble?
ALL: [point to new flock-effect wallpaper, which appears to be quivering]
KIRK: Ah. That would be Tribbles, then...
Closing credits (9 mins)
NB: in a startling counterstroke against the prevailing orthodoxy, I don't have two Dreamwidth codes to give away.
(no subject)
May. 16th, 2009 09:11 pmIn a bid to avoid the Eurovision Song Contest, I am enjoying a programme about music of an altogether headier kind - the glorious poetry and chaotic life of Dylan Thomas, on BBC4.
Not convinced? Read this:
( In my craft or sullen art )
See?
I thoroughly recommend visiting Laugharne if you get chance. It isn't quite Llareggub, but it's not far off.
ETA: The continuation of watching other stuff currently brings me to the episode of HIGNFY which was hosted by Brian Blessed (HURRAH!). It's the first thing I've watched on Dave for a long time - you watch the profile of the advertising break, and you can tell quite quickly that it's a channel aimed at Men...
Not convinced? Read this:
( In my craft or sullen art )
See?
I thoroughly recommend visiting Laugharne if you get chance. It isn't quite Llareggub, but it's not far off.
ETA: The continuation of watching other stuff currently brings me to the episode of HIGNFY which was hosted by Brian Blessed (HURRAH!). It's the first thing I've watched on Dave for a long time - you watch the profile of the advertising break, and you can tell quite quickly that it's a channel aimed at Men...
(no subject)
May. 16th, 2009 09:26 amPloughing through this monster Sixties compilation (150 tracks), the cavalcade of memories just keeps on rolling. Memories of the compilations I owned as a kid, of course - I may be ancient, but the Sixties is a little beyond even my Methuselasian vintage.
Currently listening to "Sugar Sugar" by the Archies. Previousaly "You Were Made For Me" by Freddie and the Dreamers (the wettest band in the world ... ever), "I'm A Tiger" by Lulu (yes of course you are, dear), and "Kites" by Simon Dupree and the Big Sound (the cod-Oriental section is indescribably naff).
Weirdest of all was "Je T'Aime ... Moi Non Plus", but in an instrumental version. Evidently Jame Birkin ... er ... exploring her possibilities is still too much for the delicate sensibilities of EMI.
And now "Dance To The Music" by Sly and the Family Stone, which is one of the best soul tracks of all time.
Followed by "Walkin' Back To Happiness" by Helen Shapiro, one of my top guilty pleasures, and the last Great Wearer of the Beehive Hairdo until that bloody Winehouse creature.
[of course, all this is academic for most of you, compared to today's key question - Will It Be The Same Without Terry?]
Currently listening to "Sugar Sugar" by the Archies. Previousaly "You Were Made For Me" by Freddie and the Dreamers (the wettest band in the world ... ever), "I'm A Tiger" by Lulu (yes of course you are, dear), and "Kites" by Simon Dupree and the Big Sound (the cod-Oriental section is indescribably naff).
Weirdest of all was "Je T'Aime ... Moi Non Plus", but in an instrumental version. Evidently Jame Birkin ... er ... exploring her possibilities is still too much for the delicate sensibilities of EMI.
And now "Dance To The Music" by Sly and the Family Stone, which is one of the best soul tracks of all time.
Followed by "Walkin' Back To Happiness" by Helen Shapiro, one of my top guilty pleasures, and the last Great Wearer of the Beehive Hairdo until that bloody Winehouse creature.
[of course, all this is academic for most of you, compared to today's key question - Will It Be The Same Without Terry?]
This looks like something that might appeal to some of you:
Write the first sentence of the sequel to any existing book.
For the collaborative project Book: The Sequel. Entries close 30 May.
Write the first sentence of the sequel to any existing book.
For the collaborative project Book: The Sequel. Entries close 30 May.
(no subject)
May. 9th, 2009 10:07 pmAlan Campbell's magical photos of Skye
Sadly, I only had a few minutes to look round his gallery at Broadford, but was struck greatly by the atmosphere of the pictures...
Sadly, I only had a few minutes to look round his gallery at Broadford, but was struck greatly by the atmosphere of the pictures...
(no subject)
May. 8th, 2009 08:29 pmIn my intermittent search for the Worst Lyrics Of All Time, I can't believe I had neglected this until now. But as it is another of the oddities on the rock n roll compilation I bought yesterday, I offer (but only for those with strong constitutions):
( Transfusion, by Nervous Norvus (1956) )
As Max Bialystock would say - "It's the motherlode"
( Transfusion, by Nervous Norvus (1956) )
As Max Bialystock would say - "It's the motherlode"
On a lighter note...
May. 7th, 2009 10:28 pmi) There used to be a game played in UK newspapers called Spot The Ball - a picture from a football match would have the ball airbrushed out, and readers had to put a cross where they thought the ball was. We're going to play a variant - Spot The Volcano.
Look at the picture on this link, which is where we were last week - can you Spot The Volcano?
ii) the picture below captures one of the essential attitudes of the average house-cat:
( LOLcat )
Look at the picture on this link, which is where we were last week - can you Spot The Volcano?
ii) the picture below captures one of the essential attitudes of the average house-cat:
( LOLcat )
The question of debate
May. 7th, 2009 10:17 pmI had been dithering about whether to post something on the subject of online debate, and why I don’t do it, but the interesting responses to my earlier (friends-locked) post today made me realise that I really ought to.
( Internet debate, and why I don't do it )
( Internet debate, and why I don't do it )
