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Jun. 9th, 2005 08:57 amOff to Southampton for what may be the last time shortly. The fact of my grandma's death has been a somewhat abstract concept in my mind since I heard, but as the funeral approaches, it's becoming more concrete, and taking up more space in my mind when the poisonous amoeba of worrying about work lets it.
Strange though it may also sound, the thought of not going back to the city again is also strong. The city of Southampton (which I have always been fond of) and visiting my grandma (and, when I was younger, grandpa) have always been closely intertwined, and I cannot be aware of losing one without also being aware of losing the other. Southampton may not be an easy city to love, but it does have its good points - I'll think of some eventually...
There also appears to be the frisson of family tension without which no family funeral would be complete. My mother is seething at my aunt and uncle who, in accordance with the rituals of these things, have taken the one thing she really liked in the house. And also in accordance with the same rituals, she has vowed not to say anything, but will instead no doubt spit venom over my father and I when alone ... not least at my father (who is the blood relation here) for not "standing up for her".
On the whole this is going to be a trying few days (apart from the bits spent with friends, bless 'em). However, it says a lot about my situation here that, funeral and family feuding notwithstanding, I still feel that it beats work...
Strange though it may also sound, the thought of not going back to the city again is also strong. The city of Southampton (which I have always been fond of) and visiting my grandma (and, when I was younger, grandpa) have always been closely intertwined, and I cannot be aware of losing one without also being aware of losing the other. Southampton may not be an easy city to love, but it does have its good points - I'll think of some eventually...
There also appears to be the frisson of family tension without which no family funeral would be complete. My mother is seething at my aunt and uncle who, in accordance with the rituals of these things, have taken the one thing she really liked in the house. And also in accordance with the same rituals, she has vowed not to say anything, but will instead no doubt spit venom over my father and I when alone ... not least at my father (who is the blood relation here) for not "standing up for her".
On the whole this is going to be a trying few days (apart from the bits spent with friends, bless 'em). However, it says a lot about my situation here that, funeral and family feuding notwithstanding, I still feel that it beats work...
