![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Today, on phone to mother, she was asking me when my friends' baby is due, and I didn't know the answer. I think she accepted this as reasonable until I mentioned I had spoken to them four days earlier, and then she was surprised I didn't know.
Quite simply, when I spoke to my friends, the question didn't really come up - we spoke about what they were up to, and how they were cramming as much in as possible (including continuing decoration) before it became impossible, and how Sarah doesn't do quite so much now because she gets tired more easily, but other than that the subject wasn't really touched on too much.
I don't believe for a second this doesn't mean they're excited about the baby, or getting ready for its arrival - I think it's just that they have other things going on in their lives, and probably that they are good enough judges of character to know that to a single guy living on his own, news of second scans and purchase of rattles isn't all-encompassing news.
As long as this persists, the question will eventually come from my mother as to why I'm not excited about their news - am I not happy for them, am I that cold-blooded?
I am happy for my friends because they are happy, provided they are happy. I want to see my friends happy, and if this makes them happy, then that's wonderful for them, and I wish them all blessings from the bottom of my heart.
But am I happy _for me_ because two good mates of mine are going to become parents? No - not especially. It means the aspects of our friendship that I treasure - evenings spent sitting around drinking and talking, meals out, lengthy phone-calls - and likely (though not certain) to become rarer, and in the short-term at least a thing of the past. They will to some extent become different people - I hopefully will find I like the people they become very well, and enjoy their company. But they will change, because parenthood changes everybody, and anyone whop claims it doesn't, or that it won't, probably hasn't got to grips with the concept. And I will miss the people that I knew, even if I like the people they become just as well...
This doesn't mean I'm not happy for them, because I am. It just meanms that I'm not necessarily happy for me as a result... This may, however, prove too fine a distinction for my mother, especially since she finds the news absolutely wonderful ... which leads on to the inevitable conversation as to when I'm going to start thinking about "the future", for which read my duty to spawn...
Quite simply, when I spoke to my friends, the question didn't really come up - we spoke about what they were up to, and how they were cramming as much in as possible (including continuing decoration) before it became impossible, and how Sarah doesn't do quite so much now because she gets tired more easily, but other than that the subject wasn't really touched on too much.
I don't believe for a second this doesn't mean they're excited about the baby, or getting ready for its arrival - I think it's just that they have other things going on in their lives, and probably that they are good enough judges of character to know that to a single guy living on his own, news of second scans and purchase of rattles isn't all-encompassing news.
As long as this persists, the question will eventually come from my mother as to why I'm not excited about their news - am I not happy for them, am I that cold-blooded?
I am happy for my friends because they are happy, provided they are happy. I want to see my friends happy, and if this makes them happy, then that's wonderful for them, and I wish them all blessings from the bottom of my heart.
But am I happy _for me_ because two good mates of mine are going to become parents? No - not especially. It means the aspects of our friendship that I treasure - evenings spent sitting around drinking and talking, meals out, lengthy phone-calls - and likely (though not certain) to become rarer, and in the short-term at least a thing of the past. They will to some extent become different people - I hopefully will find I like the people they become very well, and enjoy their company. But they will change, because parenthood changes everybody, and anyone whop claims it doesn't, or that it won't, probably hasn't got to grips with the concept. And I will miss the people that I knew, even if I like the people they become just as well...
This doesn't mean I'm not happy for them, because I am. It just meanms that I'm not necessarily happy for me as a result... This may, however, prove too fine a distinction for my mother, especially since she finds the news absolutely wonderful ... which leads on to the inevitable conversation as to when I'm going to start thinking about "the future", for which read my duty to spawn...