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Reclusive Backer Saves Hobbit Films

Following the financial difficulties of MGM, New Line Cinema were described as "delighted" to welcome new financial backing for the two Hobbit films, to be directed by Peter Jackson.

The backer is believed to be a Mr Simon Mordecai Aloysius Unwin Golightly, a reclusive individual living near Esgaroth.

A spokesman for Mr Golightly said "My client is thrilled to be working with the team on this very important, and frequently misunderstood story. Peter Jackson is an outstanding director, and will retain absolute artistic control. However, my client is very keen to make sure that the right messages are taken from the film, and will be taking a very active interest in the storyboarding process. For instance, that whole thing about the hole beneath the left breast is just crap"

The financial director of New Line was unavailable for comment, but was seen by our correspondent in a Wellington pawn-shop, selling a jewel-encrusted broadsword and matching three-handled drinking-cup. Interested parties have also been instructed to watch eBay, searching under description "Arkenstone"

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